| I realized the most ridiculous thing today. I think this is the first time EVER in my LIFE that I have actually experienced stress and anxiety to any significant degree.
Which is absolutely ridiculous, because you'd think that somewhere in my life, in the four years of IB, in the 15 exams in three weeks, in the many many last minute projects, or the many many last minute shows, I would have at some point been stressed. But I realized today, while being frustrated about the disgusting pile of difficult that is this week, I was feeling something I had never ever felt before.
I don't know what it is that is preventing me from being myself (the non-stressed even in the most stressful situations Marta that I know and love), but I need whatever it is to go away plzkthx. Well, that is a lie: I have a few inklings as to what it could be. It could be the fact that I not only have this week's stuff to deal with, I also have last weeks, since I was sick last week and consequently fell behind. It could be the fact that this week's stuff isn't just school or just singing: it is a delightful combination of both. But neither of those are things that I haven't dealt with in the past, so I doubt it is one of those.
It also definitely could be that I don't feel like myself much these days, I suppose that this is what happens when I'm not myself. I miss old me, who was never ever affected by emotional things. Damn things that happen that make me not myself!
I will not let this week get to me. I am determined to lose this stress by tomorrow morning. I can do that, right? =) | comments: Leave a comment   |
| "A man should not rivet himself too fast to his own humours and temperament. Our chief talent is the power of suiting ourselves to different ways of life. To be tied and bound of necessity to one single way is not to live but to exist. "
And so on. That's from Montaigne's essay "On three kinds of relationships" It is a fairly simple concept, but I think it is helpful to remind yourself of things like this every so often, because it is very easy to get wrapped up in your own, safe, comfortable routines. And the scariest thing in the world can be not only realizing you can't do that anymore, but also slowly figuring out that you don't even want to do that anymore.
Realizing that you don't want something you have always convinced yourself that you want very much is a painful process. It forces you, I suppose, to start living again after just existing for awhile. | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| Apparently Opera is an evil corrupting force on today's youth. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060202/ap_en_tv/faust_video
I thought that was sort of ridiculous, but not really all that surprising. Because sheltering children forever will clearly lead to them becoming healthy functioning members of society. Clearly.
In other news, it is snowing like CRAZY outside, FINALLY. I have been waiting for a whole month for this fake spring to end and for winter to come back. Somehow snow conjures up many many nice feelings and even in this time of year when it suddenly seems like people rarely have time for themselves or each other, the fact that it is snowing outside quiets things down and makes things better. I was in lesson today with Torin and Tanya, and it felt like we were the only people in the music building; it was dusk and outside was a white blur, and it just made me feel like that was the best possible place to be. I love when that feeling happens in lesson.
Someone on my floor is listening to Wicked!!
Lauren and Melissa and I went to Christina's today and it was delicious (both the food and the company) and on the way back a reporter from the London Free Press took a picture of us walking in the snow; we might be in the paper some time soon, so look out for it :) Even if it is the London Free Press.
And I came home and Janet had bought me a sweeet grass skirt and lei for an upcoming luau. How I love my swishy grass skirt. I swished in it all the way down the hall and back. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| This holiday season is just zooming past. Then again, that seems to be a recurring theme in my life right now: time flying by. I should probably do something about that or I am going to open my eyes tomorrow morning and I'll be 72.
Christmas has come and gone!! And it brought with it a lot of family time, that I think I have appreciated more this year than ever before. Just because, well, we are really only given a certain amount of time with older family members and since certain family members have a tendancy to get older (they should really do something about that) I feel more and more inclined to use as much of that potential time as possible. So last night I spent a good two hours looking at old family slides, and they made me want to go to Europe very badly. And this morning I decided to visit the cemetary with my parents and my grandfather instead of going boxing day shopping.
Christmas also brought with it the entire Ring Cycle (15 CDS. Could a girl ever ask for more?!) and a lot of good books. The thing about western is you get very little leisurely reading time, so I've been catching up. I got The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana by Umberto Eco for christmas (my favourite author. words cannot express, although they should be able to, seeing as they would be expressing feelings about other words..?) which I essentially devoured. And a great book by Eco also called "On Literature", guess what that one is about. Along with that, I've been reading this book called Romantic Opera and Literary Form and aside from reminding me of Professor Goehring every five seconds, it is really opening me up to reading more non-fiction. I really need to do more of that, fiction is great but limiting occasionally.
I miss western, but I missed toronto the city itself so so so so so much. I know it isn't much compared to other large cities of the world (London, Paris, Prague, New York anyone?) but it is my city and I know the good bits of it like the back of my hand and I have the feeling that even when (yes, definitely when) I move it will always be my home in a way.
And I missed my Toronto peeps. But I've spent lots of time with them. Which has been great!! =D
Also, spending some time with western people at korean bbq was really really nice; the food was great and even though I was exhausted most of the time I was there, it was nice to just see those people and be reminded that I will be back at western shortly. And spending the day in Markham really was lovely, although it wasn't so much the place as the company that made it count.
I watched Harold and Maude today with Nina and Amelie. and it sort of linked together in my head with the books I'm reading right now and recent holiday events to create this general feeling of really wanting to live and remember simultanously; I suppose to be able to look back and have that help me move forward? Can you tell I'm writing this at two in the morning? | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| I woke up with a feeling that today had to be awesome. It just had to be, because of some very key things:
A) Its Friday!
Aa)I have little to no class on Friday!
B) Its Harry Potter day!
Then the key things that would make this day great started adding up.
C)It SNOWED.
It snowed big fluffy white amazingly huge snowflakes that just made my heart SING.
As if this wasn't enough.
D) Someone covered the big sign in the music lobby that says Don Wright Faculty of Music and changed it to Don Wright Ministry of Magic.
Dd) My theory professor's office, instead of saying Peter Clements, right now says Ludo Bagman.
I realized sometime between the noon-thirty concert (Which was nice) and masterclass that
E) NINA IS ARRIVING IN A WEEK TODAY. EXCELLENCE OF THE HIGHEST KIND.
Then I wandered off to masterclass, where we had a guest faculty member work with us since Torin is still in Edmonton, where
F) I sang pretty darn well.
Then just now,
G) I had a great dinner - the beefaroni (which they occasionally cover in cheese and call Pasta Al Forno BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH) was delicious
H) My internet, which had been down since last night, magically fixed itself. ITS A HARRY POTTER MIRACLE.
FINALLY
I)TONIGHT IS HARRY POTTER. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| Honestly, why does it feel like I've been at Western for like five years already!? And WHY does it simultaneously feel like the end of the year is just around the corner?! BOO.
Midterms are like, this week. holy christ. I have this list of things I want to do, like practice sight singing and keyboard harmony EVERYDAY. But then there are things that get in the way of those things. Well mostly one thing. And that is completely my fault, I know, I mean, I choose to spend lots of time with Arthur, and I could just choose not to and have plenty of time to be studious but who the hell wants to do that anyway, not me is what I say.
I need to find a hallowe'en costume! Any suggestions? =D
In singing news. I am really really anxious to finish up with my italian baroque repertoire and learn some french art song. I have been singing nothing but italian for more than a month and honestly, I'm honestly siiick of it.
Janet's bed is soo neat right now, and mine is sooo not, even though I 'made' it this morning. FAIL. Why is my side of the room so much messier? ;_; I'm sorry Janet. I'm sorry for being a bad roommate.
La la la. | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| I am in class. I am in class and I am bored. I am in class and I am bored and thank god there is wireless in here. I am in class and bored and thanking god for wireless and listening to Iranian music, because that is what this class is about. I am in class and bored etc and while I love the fact that I get to take a course that involves middle eastern music, I am cursing my prof for making anthropology BORING. HOW DARE SHE. They should get Mrs. Papa in here to set this woman STRAIGHT. Ian the violist is sitting next to me and cracking his knuckles. I Wish you guys could hear his burps, they are UNREAL.
If you throw a violist and a soprano off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first? (two answers)
The violist. The soprano would have to stop halfway down to ask directions.
Who cares?
I looove musician jokes. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| This weekend has been pretty quiet, just because pretty much my whole floor went home :( Friday night was fun, though; Jamie, Mae, Lauren and I went to Masonville to see The Corpse Bride, and we ended up running into a bunch of our sophs there, which was hilarious cause we ended up taking up a whole row. Corpse Bride, by the way, is an amaaazing movie. Even though all of the music students there were appalled when Johnny Depp's character started playing the piano with THE WRONG FINGERING. The first thing out of everyone's mouth when we left was "It was AMAZING but did you see how he was playing the wrong keys?!" , which I thought was pretty funny.
Yesterday was my studio's big beginning of the year barbeque, which I was really nervous about since everyone in my studio is muchos older than me, but it was actually really realllyy good times. I don't usually like children, but Torin has two sons (Tennison and Nawton, coolest names ever) who are 5 and 2 and heif and are actually really cute. I ended up playing Freeze Tag with the five year old and this guy from the studio, Arthur, and I totally wiped out. I fell over this kiddie slide onto my back and Tennison TOTALLY TAGGED ME. Even though I was ALREADY DOWN. Ruthless, I say. Also hilarious; Arthur has these wicked muttonchop sideburns and Tennison asked Torin whether he was human or a monster >=)
There are a few funny characters in the studio. Like Adam, who is 17 but in second year (skipped a grade and has a late birthday), who keeps trying to pull rank even though I AM OLDER THAN HIM. He's a bit pretentious, but cool nonetheless. He and this other guy, Mark, sing in a Barbershop Quartet and so they taught me and Mario some barbershop stuff, which is actually easier than it seems! We sang Cheer Up Charlie barbershop style :D
People are slooowly starting to come back and liven things up a little, which is nice. Its weird being here without a few people who are otherwise always around, I'm anxious for everyone to be back. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I don't really have enough time to recap everything that's happened during frosh, and hey frosh isn't even over yet so why would I do that yet anyway, but I wanted to at least post something.
Janet and I are pretty much in the coolest faculty ever. Yesterday, we were doing this music fac event that involved the sophs pretending to be different composers, and as hilarious as their impressions were, what was even more awesome was that every single music frosh got the jokes about the different composers. For example, as soon as one of the sophs, Appl-ause, who was wearing a housecoat and had messed up his hair all crazy, without saying a word, lifted an orange pylon to his ear and went "Eh? Speak up!", everyone started laughing SO HARD it was ridiculous. I just really really love I am in a place where people get things like that. And then after that event, we had a musical theatre sing along. Guys, I think I am really going to like it here.
I mean, everyone is so different but we all have music in common, which is pretty amazing. Like, the guy across the hall from us who plays the sax named Matty, he lives in Weston and is really good friends with people like Adam Chelo and I never would have been friends with him in a million years if I had ever met him anywhere else.
I am worried about theory and that sort of thing, but I think its going to be oook. :D | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
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schnuckiputzi, so add that username to your friends lists and take this one off :)